Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
