so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
