I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
