i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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