OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
