Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
