we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
