I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think people are normalizing furries
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
