I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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