a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
