Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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