Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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