Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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