How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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