So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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