My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
