Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
