I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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