My room smells like vodka and shame
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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