I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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