can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
