Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
