i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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