You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
