Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
