I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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