Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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