he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
