i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
