recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
