I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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