If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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