He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
