Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize