he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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