Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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