no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
