Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
