saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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