i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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