Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
