He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize