Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
