I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
