I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
