for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
