So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
