Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
