His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
These tits shall not be calmed
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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