i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
