chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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