she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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