Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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