i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
