playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
