I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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