I think i peed on brittanys purse
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
