I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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