he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
