bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
