Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
