I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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