Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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