Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
