I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Blood and glitter go together right?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
