woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
