BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
