i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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