I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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