You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
pop tarts are not kleenex
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize