You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
