Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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