grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize