But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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