Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
