i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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