is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
