Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize