I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
