Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
