Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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