I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize