Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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