My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
