no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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