chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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