i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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